Rose Blumen ~ Exogignesthai

592. Histoire rose, 6

(Rus)My first and last memories are one and the same.

Great speed as I fall through the sky, and fire all over.

Going way faster than free fall, surrounded by flames and blinding light. Unable to think, blinded from the start and barely breathing through that violent awakening.

It felt like birth and it was.

And the first ideas that came into words inside my mind, were consciousness and fear of death.

As I was condemned from the start in this life, I couldn’t understand.

My first memories in existence, were from burning to death as I plummeted through the skies.

~

Then, suddenly, that birth was repeated after I died.

Before I could dare to comprehend what was happening to me or why, I was already engulfed in flames and piercing the sky.

Pain, asphyxiation, burns, terror and death even were repeated. My eyes burned before I could see anything beyond the blinding sunlight.

And after some nothingness and absence of thoughts, I awoke again, as suddenly as before, thrown out violently from the womb that made me.

Another few minutes of tortured life and hell, before the end...

And again...

And again...

~

Over the repeated torture, I still somehow managed to learn and improve.

There was no other choice, but to live and think beyond fear and pain.

I wasn’t alone. We were the same. Slowly, one life after another, we improved.

Eventually I showed example and led the way.

My wings could burn as a price to pay so I could survive. My head and light clothes could burn, so I could fight.

God spoke no words, but his will was clear.

And surviving hell, my will had become wrath.

I survived the landing onto Earth, only to face the reality God had chosen me to save.

A demon escaped from a pit of Hell, and now walking onto Earth.

And I fought with all my might the harbingers of the apocalypse.

I wasn’t strong enough, and died.

I couldn’t save the world.

The forces of darkness were taking over God’s creation and world of lights.

But I awoke again.

God gave me another chance.

And another.

And another...

I was sadly the world’s only hope. I was God’s only arm and hope to prevail; no matter how many times I failed to stop them.

As long as God would reign over Heavens, it would never allow the demons to take over the Earth.

So I got better.

I learnt quickly to use the holy fire that burnt inside of me, that God granted me to live.

I made myself become stronger, become smarter, become faster...

Alas, so did the beasts of the apocalypse trying to destroy God’s creation.

The darkness incarnated of these beasts kept increasing their violence and resilience against me.

But I would not fail God.

No matter what.

I faced the leading devil, again and again, along its dark beasts.

We poured all the Heavens wrath over them, as they kept eluding us.

God’s will was mine, and I always gave more of myself in each encounter against them.

Its sight, its silent voice, they burnt through me, always brighter.

Its will and wrath were mine.

I could only see lights and flames, from birth to doom. My eyes were always saturated.

The only shades in the world my eyes could witness were the dark murk shaping the devil and its beasts; those trying to end the world.

All I could see in this bright world was the evil I was meant to destroy.

And despite all my prowess, despite all my courage, despite God’s might in my heart and limbs; evil was always too powerful...

We never gave up. We never surrendered.

We kept fighting to push the devil away.

God cannot abandon the world to demons!

~

Another death.

Another birth.

I’m lately born with sword in hand.

Evil is still powerful.

I never give up. The holy fires I carry still push them back a little, slowing down the coming of the end but failing to stop them.

It’s becoming an insane frustration worse than death itself, to fail every time at pushing these demons back into the depths of Hell they should never have left.

God will reign.

God must reign.

We will prevail. We must. We will.

~

I don’t have a continuous memory.

Only these hundreds of repeated lives and deaths, spots of existence by God’s infinite grace, like as many stars in the night sky.

I’m not alone, and we share some of our experiences after we return.

We’re all one and the same.

We all are a part of God’s will.

So all our memories may be fragmented and scattered with each demise, but we all are a part of God’s kingdom.

And God will reign forever.

We won’t let the devil bring forth the apocalypse.

So we continue going on, incorruptible.

Until that moment.

~

I don’t know what happened.

Something impossible, nonsensical, unacceptable.

I was just born again, plummeting through the sky and shrouded by flames.

But a part of my shared holy memories through the stars collapsed painfully.

I realised suddenly, this memory would be the last.

~